7pm

I've only got five more months in this country. Less than that by the time I post this. I'm writing this from my house at night. The rains will be arriving soon. I arrived in the rainy season, and I will be leaving in the rainy season. I remember when I arrived in this country with stars in my eyes, everything was a first, being in a third world country, being on the continent of Africa, first life after college, stretching my independence, the list goes on. I remember thinking that my time here seemed like it was going to be an eternity. The first year went by real slow, and the second year so far as flown by. I keep on asking myself 'where did that month go?' Benin has given me more than what I had expected to receive. Beyond learning French, and integrating into the culture, it has given me a confidence I didn't know I had, it has given me the reassurance that I can do anything I want, it has given me patience, it has given me insight into who I am, and most of all it has given me the opportunity to push my boundaries.
But now that time is coming to an end. So while that means that soon I'll be nearer to my family, in a culture that I visually belong in, and a place that I can drink the tap water without worrying about parasites, the return to the states will be bittersweet. I will miss the people here that I've met, I'll miss my second home, I'll miss going to the market everyday, riding my bike on the dirt roads, seeing the smiling faces of the neighbor kids as they run with my bike when I return, I'll miss eating a mango so delicious it melts in my mouth while the juice runs down my chin. I'll miss seeing new things everyday. While I'm eating moms good chicken soup at home I'll be thinking of mamas pate with sauce and wagasi.
I'm beginning to see how much I'm going to miss Benin now that leaving for good is becoming a reality. I may visit here again, but it is a big possibility that I won't ever live here again. I also realize that the possibility of me living in Bassila again like I am now is even smaller. As a result of this realization I've begun going around and telling people that I won't be living in Benin for too much longer. I've told many people throughout my service that I will be leaving in September 2010. They seem to have thought this date wasn't going to ever come. As I've been going I tell people I'm leaving in September and some have even reminded me that I've already told them. Every single person has been surprised that September is six months from now. I anticipated this happening that is why I didn't wait until two months before I left to tell them. People have asked me if I'm really leaving, if it's impossible for me to stay in Benin for the rest of my life, and why I just don't find other work in Benin. I've even had people offer to let me live with them while I find a job. My landlord almost began to cry (something that is completely culturally unacceptable here) when I told him I was leaving.
As I've tried to explain why I can't stay here people always come up with counter arguments. 'I need to work' 'You can find a good job here'... 'I need to finish my studies and go to graduate school' 'but then you can come back to Benin! You will be even more valuable!'... 'I don't have anywhere to live while I'm here' 'You can live with my family, free!'.... 'I like Benin but I want to experience different places' 'Togo is very different, or if you want to go very far you can go to Ghana'... these conversation go on for a long time. The only explanation I can give my friends that they have no come back for is 'My family lives in the States, and I miss them. I like it here, but they are there and I want to be with them.' Family here is very important. They take care of each other here in ways that doesn't happen very often in the states.
Families live in multi-generational concessions, often times aunts and uncles living together, cousins and siblings are the same, and if there is a death of a husband the wife and her children get absorbed into the extended family. The farthest family members go usually is the next town. Rarely they go as far as Parakou or Kara. For a member of their family to live on another continent is on such another level to what they're used to. I've been asked when I go home if I will buy a car and drive. There is no conception of the vastness of oceans, how far it really is, or that it is actually impossible to drive to North America from Africa. Unless it's the dead of winter and I cross the ice between Russia and Alaska (I'm not sure if this is even possible). My family next door is going to miss me they ask me if I will call them while I'm in states. As a member of their family leaving is very strange, so is me leaving their lives. They understand why I have to go, that my family is very important to me. But I also see them as members of an extended family I've created here in Benin. I'll be torn between two continents.